While various strategies were discussed while our demise was being prepared in the kitchen, (go fast, go slow, pull the meat off first, etc), consensus was quickly reached on two key survival techniques: large vanilla milkshakes all around and rubber gloves, lest our willies pay the price of our folly in later bathroom visits. I opted for the "go slow" approach because Quaker Steak are real assholes. They actually made this concentrated evil taste good! All three of us managed to complete the mission, though many tears were mixed with the sweat from our brows. Ingestion achieved, we basked in the glory of the moment, yet secretly wondering if the worst was yet to come...

A couple of valuable data points from this experience: the "capsaicin high" is not a myth. All of us agreed there was a definite buzz going on. More troubling however was the realization that capsaicin actually chemically burns taste buds. Nothing I have eaten or drank since this stupidity tastes the same. How long does it take to re-grow taste buds? Worst of all, 20 hours later, the final realization has come to full fruition. Your body wants no part of insane doses of capsaicin. It is promptly shown the exit with zero modification.

Now, excuse me, I've got to get back to googling for menthol-infused flushable wipes...